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All Threesomes review

Summary: All Threesomes is a hard-core video site that also contains images of more than 100 amateur models with full access to 9 other sites.


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About Our Ratings
All Threesomes Picture screenshot
Author:
J., 2005-01-01

Categories:
Hardcore, Videos, Movies

Tags:

Intro promises

- 100% threesome pictures and video
- More than 100 amateur models
- Full access to 9 other sites

First impression

Pretty straightforward intro here with plenty of free video trailers for their clips. There's no doubt about their intentions here: all threesomes. In fact, all two girl and one guy threesomes (or, in pornonerdspeak, "ffm"). It's pretty generous to give all those free clips and, psychologically, it reflects a certain "we've got so much stuff you can just have these throwaways" feel to it. That feeling, plus a real logo that isn't 1st generation Paintbrush-quality and you've got yourself a pretty professional-looking site.

Our opinion

The first thing I notice is that the somewhat professional intro gives way to a much more cookie-cutter main members' page. A little toolbar, some thumbs linking you to the pictures and videos and then more offsite thumbs linking you to sister sites and whatnot. And LOTS of white space. Any designer will tell you that's the first thing to avoid.

Clicking on one of the thumbs brings you to those two girls' page... by which I mean just a bigger version of the thumbnail and links to that set's pictures and videos. But before we get to the details of those, I just want to ask out loud where the "over 100 models" are. I mean, there are 18 video sets listed here. 18 videos X 2 girls per scene = 36 girls. Even if you include the guys as amateur models, you're still only halfway there. I feel a little cheated here.

The videos are layed out in a very similar fashion to those on the MikesApartment, IntheVIP, etc. group of sites. You can either stream the movie at dial-up or broadband speed or download an MPG of the movie. The dial-up format is a 320x240 WMV at 468Kbps or so and, actually, looks pretty damn good for loading so quickly. The broadband is the same size, but it's an MPG so it's slightly smoother. The downloadable version of the videos appear to just be the broadband streaming version, but they do look a little better (and are more scalable) in the actual Media Player.

The videos are, as expected, all threesomes with two girls. Which is great, of course, but there's only so much you can do with them. Here's about how every one of these 20-40 minute vids plays out:
- Chicks make out while looking at camera.
- Chicks go down on each other.
- Dude enters scene naked.
- Chicks suck his dick.
- Dude fucks girl 1.
- Dude fucks girl 2.
- (Dude fucks girl 1 in ass).
- (Dude fucks girl 2 in ass).
- Dude cums on chicks' tits/faces/stomachs.
- Girls play with cum as if they don't mind how degrading this is.

Items in parentheses are optional.

But seriously, I'm almost glad they cheated me out of another 40 videos of this because it just plain gets old. The videos are done in a gonzo style with only a minimum of attention paid to lighting and set design (seeing them somewhere other than a couch or a bed would be nice). I think my main problem with the videos is that there's no sense that they're all related somehow. sure they all have the AllThreesomes.com stamp in the corner, but the girls never do more than one set and it's a different guy every time. It just makes it look thrown-together.

The pictures page is so kind as to have all the thumbnails load up on one page. Some of these sets have 200 pictures in them. It would have been nice to have them listed a little more efficiently. Besides, they're just 720x480 video captures anyway. Nothing to see here, really, unless you're looking for a clue as to which videos to go for.

There are links in the navbar for "XXX Videos," "Photos" and "What's New" that I was hoping was more on-site content (or at least a listing of the site's content that was better-organized than some thumbs thrown up in an apparently random order), but instead it's third party stuff. Most of the major niches are represented here... mostly by our friends at Holio, providing poorly-organized, low-quality content for all! But you also get the Lesbo101 feed, which is pretty sweet. Apart from that, you get access to the 9 other sites listed on the preview page, each of them for a different niche (Ebony Universe, Striptease Then Fuck, etc.). that are on the same level as AllThreesomes.

Conclusion

Without a clear update system and obvious connection between these otherwise average videos, there's not much letting me know how great this site is. The content is on-topic, the site moves quickly and navigates relatively easily (ignoring the pictures of course) and everything is generally acceptable until you see the price tag. This is the most expensive site I've ever seen and it's barely good enough to warrant the 3 day trial.

Especially since threesome porn is relatively easy to find and not exactly a fetish property. Sorry, but AllThreesomes needs MoreContent and LessRidiculousPricing to open my wallet. Also, they may want to CheckTheirPricingSystem and figure out why it's $20 a month cheaper to purchase by mail or phone than by credit card.

Prices



Credit Card, Online Check

3 day trial: $4.95
30 days: $49.95

Mail

30 days: $29.95
90 days: $69.95
180 days: $99.95
12 months: $159.95

Phone
30 days: $34.95

Screenshots from All Threesomes

Members area screenshot from All Threesomes - click to enlarge

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