SimonScans Review

Score 95.0 /100
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About Our Ratings

Intro promises

“The first thing you’ll already have noticed about Simonscans.com is that it just doesn’t look like a porn site. Well, that’s because we do things a little differently round here. This is an adult site so that’s exactly how we treat you – Like an adult. If you are looking for ‘cum soaked sluts,’ then you’ve come to the wrong place but if you want high quality photography, great looking girls being about as rude as a girl can get on her own (or maybe with a girlfriend!) and frequent updates, all delivered from a state of the art and easy to navigate site, we may just be what you've been looking for. Now read on. First and foremost Simon shoots great images of the UK’s best looking girls. Nine times out of ten it’s new, never-been-seen-before girls but there are also a few familiar faces in here as well. Most sets are long – well over 100 images per set, with some sets reaching nearly 300 images – Each set is complete from start to finish so you get to choose YOUR favorites. What will stun you most of all though is the sheer level of rudeness the sets can reach. Wide open pussy and ass, toys of all sizes in ALL holes, you’ll be amazed how rude it all gets. Most important of all, you can see the girls are genuinely having fun doing all this.”

First impression

Simon is a king among men. First off, this U.K. bloke adds over four thousand photos per month to his site, Simon Scans (presently, the site boasts 468 models appearing in 2,740 photosets that contain a grand total of 335,937 images!). Secondly, Simon is adding a much needed touch of class to online pornography — he treats members of his adult site like adults (what a novel idea!) and leaves the “cum-soaked sluts” to the sleaze merchants. While most online pornographers prey on lonely men who are easily duped into joining flashy sites with precious little quality content, Simon courts a more intelligent crowd, a sophisticated crowd that appreciates good photography as much as it appreciates seeing beautiful women naked. Simon’s stable of talent is genuinely beautiful and dressed to the nines in gorgeous lingerie, thus proving that Simon truly understands the importance of aesthetics. Though Simon treats his members with respect, he also gives his members plenty of stinky pink to drink in with their thirsty peepers; in other words, Simon Scans is a feast for the eyes, the brain and the dick, like an episode of Masterpiece Theater with full frontal nudity.

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Our opinion

Simon Scans doesn’t look or feel like a conventional porn site — Simon Scans is elegantly designed and its navigation system is menu-based, with dropdown menus at the top of the screen at all times, which not only looks nice but is also extremely easy to use. The main members area contains the latest updates as well as the top models on the site as voted on by members. If you’re not impressed with the top models and can’t find what you want in the latest updates, don’t worry: there are a number of other ways to look through the mountain of arty smut on this site, including an extensive model directory that you can browse and a handy search engine that allows you to search for models based on breast size, lingerie, country of origin, pubic hair, location and hair color (or “colour,” as Simon would say).

The birds on Simon Scans are mostly British, but there are also a few ladies from Hungary, Ibiza and Prague. The gals vary in size and shape, but all appear to be natural (i.e., no fake tits here). Most of these women are amateurs, but there are a few professional models tossed in the mix as well. Surprisingly, the gals look like they’re actually having fun as they pose for the camera — it’s not uncommon to see many, many smiling faces in each photoset. The vast majority of the content on Simon Scans features girls posing solo and/or using sex toys, but there’s also a great deal of lesbianism as well.

Most of the photosets contain over one hundred images but some contain as many as three hundred images! Every set is downloadable as a customizable ZIP file (meaning you can click a box by each picture that you want to download instead of downloading the entire set) or can be downloaded one at a time. The pictures are very high quality (most have a resolution of minimum 1140x750, but the many of the newest sets are 1648x1098). The photos are professionally shot with a high end digital camera in various locations and look absolutely fabulous as a result.

There’s also a small video section on Simon Scans. Most of the videos are available in the WMV, MPEG and MOV formats, but there are some that are also available in the AVI format. The newest WMV clips have a 640x360 resolution; hell, these movies even look good in full screen! The MPEGs have a similar resolution but don’t hold up as well in full screen. Shoot! Still, the video look great in either format with the best being the MOV format with a similar resolution.

Conclusion

Simon has done a hell of a job with Simon Scans - this site is virtually flawless and Simon really knows how to treat his members with respect. As a jaded reviewer, I don’t normally masturbate to anything I review and yet I actually found myself taking a break from writing this site evaluation to jerk off to some of the photos on Simon Scans that I was particularly enamored with — that’s pretty much the highest compliment I could ever pay a pay site. If we were playing a game of Simon Says, I’d say, “Simon says join this site!” And then I’d say, “Touch your nose” and if you touched your nose, I would kill you.

Samples

Screenshots from SimonScans

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