Billies Bitches Review

Intro promises

“Billie loves to watch girls masturbate and now she’s getting in on the action!”

First impression

This review is dedicated to the memory of faceless hack comedian Richard Jeni, even though I’m kinda glad he’s dead. It’s a little known fact that “The Platypus Man” adored lesbians (how else would he get a nickname like “The Platypus Man”?), thus I am certain he would’ve loved Billie’s Bitches, where Billie, a hot lesbian who loves to fuck other girls, whips out her pocket rocket and strap-on dildo and uses ‘em on other girls to make ‘em cum like crazy. Billie loves to watch as these girls diddle themselves in front of her and it drives her so wild that she has to get in on the action herself. I can only guess that Richard Jeni would’ve been driven equally wild by all this hot Sapphic action had he not chosen to take his own life recently.

Pricing

Our opinion

The members area of Billie’s Bitches displays the latest news, top links, updates, links to Billie’s exclusive content plus some bonus porn, erotic stories and a message forum to boot. Though Billie has promised daily updates, the update schedule for Billie's Bitches is downright inconsistent, with new content added anywhere from once a week to twice a month. Also, some episodes are added to the site in parts to create the illusion that more content is being added to Billie’s Bitches than is actually being added to Billie’s Bitches, if that makes any sense at all.

Currently, there are fifty-six exclusive episodes on Billie’s Bitches, all of which containing a photo gallery and many of which also containing videos to go along with their pictures. Billie’s Bitches is mostly a lesbian masturbation site featuring scenes of girls getting other girls off with their fingers and toys, though most of the earlier episodes are just solo masturbation. Some scenes start right at the point of nudity while others lead up to that point with a faux reality set up, like a chance meeting at a restaurant. Some episodes feature Billie doing the picking up and masturbating while other scenes play out with different girls sans Billie. One episode even had a guy behind the camera chatting up two chicks in a bathtub. In other words, there’s no real thematic consistency at Billie’s Bitches.

The photo galleries on Billie’s Bitches contain an average of sixty regular-resolution photos. Though these photos are quite large, they’re oftentimes somewhat grainy. Still, the photos on Billie’s Bitches look good enough. The series don't seem to be exclusive to this sites.

The quality of the videos on Billie’s Bitches is as inconsistent as the site’s update schedule — some of the clips I checked out looked better than others. Each scene is downloadable in Windows Media and QuickTime. The WMV files come in two sizes (low and high) while the QuickTime clips come in just one size (high).

Bonus content on Billie’s Bitches is called “E-XXX-tras” and consists of “bonus bitches” and two “mega bonus” areas, which include links to picture sites and streaming video feeds. Honestly, the bonus content isn’t worth much on its own, thus there’s no reason to discuss it any further. Well! I guess that takes care of everything. Let’s pull this train into the station, folks…

Conclusion

Billie’s Bitches is a fairly average lesbian site and I fear its existence never would’ve saved troubled standup comedian Richard Jeni, which is a crying shame. I guess no one could’ve saved the fabled “Platypus Man,” not even a bevy of carpet-munching dykes. Richard Jeni was a sick man who was diagnosed with severe clinical depression coupled with bouts of psychotic paranoia earlier this year. One only needs to have a family member or friend with a mental illness to understand that there is nothing rational, predictable, funny or fair about these diseases. Mental illness is as serious as any physical affliction and can be just as devastating. As we are all trying to make sense of this, take time to remember the joy and laughter Richard brought to the countless people he touched during his much too short life.

Screenshots from Billies Bitches

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