Greetings, fellow flesh fanatics. My name is Joseph and I’ve been reviewing pornographic websites since April of 2006. I have viewed dozens of dirty sites and penned over one hundred pages of porn critiques in the past year. I’ve seen men pee on women, women fuck men with strap-on dildos and men shoot copious amounts of jizz all over the place; in short, I have seen it all. Some might say I have the greatest job in the world and, yes, I do have the greatest job in the world, but that’s not to say this occupation doesn’t have its challenges. Let’s face it, gang: Most websites are either totally bogus or absolutely average. The challenge I face each time I sit down in front of the computer is how to find new ways to talk about the same old shit. Still, looking at naked women all day certainly beats digging ditches to make a living.
If you’ve followed my work on Adult Reviews, you’ll no doubt have noticed that my reviews are often much shorter than those written by the other writers employed by this site. This is no mistake—I cherish brevity (and am a very lazy man). As someone who has read countless porn reviews, I can tell you that I have very little patience for blow-by-blow descriptions of members area dryly written by boring windbags. As a consumer, I read porn reviews for two reasons and two reasons only: I want to know what’s on the site and if the site is worth joining. When I sit down to write a review, my goal is to be entertaining (I want the review to be amusing enough that the reader will want to read all of it) and informative (I try to detail as many facts about the site’s content as humanly possible, like how many videos are on the site and what the quality of the photos is). I took an art history course in college (believe it or not, I am a college graduate) and something the professor said one day really stuck with me—he said he only read our papers because he was being paid to read them and that if we wanted strangers to read our writing, it would have to be interesting. So, basically, my goal is to write interesting reviews that are grammatically sound and devoid of typos and misspelled words. I hope I have met this humble goal in my time at Adult Reviews.
I am a big fan of alt-porn, a niche that is woefully underrepresented on porn review sites, and I will likely be using this blog to discuss my favorite sites featuring tattooed babes with oddly colored hair. I trust this will be agreeable with you, dear reader. If not, well, I’m sure there will be plenty of other topics covered by this blog that will be more to your liking. God bless each and every one of you.
From hell,
Joseph
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